caveat emptor

Feeling Googly Again

Today I'm analyzing the search terms that landed people here via Google (90.48%), Yahoo! (4.76%), MSN (2.38%) and Windows Live (2.38%). (Yeah! Google FTW!)

First there are the boring ones:

• aswhite
• aswhite caveat emptor

Then there are the high school and college students working on assignments:

• caveat emptor
• emptor
• how to pronounce caveat emptor
• caveat emptor used in a sentence
• caveat emptor use in a sentence
• caveat emptor in a sentence

Then there's one person who didn't hear correctly:

• definition:creative emptor

Good luck with that one. Now we get to the interesting ones:

• freezing of the sabertooth cat: Something tells me you didn't find what you were looking for here. All of my saber-toothed cat references are stupid. I wonder, are you looking for instructions for how to freeze one? Do you have one? Can I ride it like a pony? I think that would make for really interesting pictures to post at Flickr and Facebook.


• dognose: That's not very nice.


• mountain of immortality: You'll never find it. You'll waste your mortal life trying. Just forget about it and find a great lover and enjoy the little time you have.


• on the middle of my chest: You are probably a pervert. You are, aren't you? You want someone to do something inappropriate, don't you? Ick. Email me. I know some people.


• protagonized: Sorry, I thought of it already. Clever, though. Very clever.


• gnikam: It's "making" backwards. I've already used it.


• my interesting wife: I'm afraid I cannot tell you about your interesting wife. I could tell you about mine, but I don't even know you. You might be that icky "middle of my chest" pervert from above. Go away.


• neverwhere review: I did one long ago. I hope you liked it.


• popular male female diagloues: I'm surprised that search term landed here with the word "popular" in it. Must be a glitch in the Google search algorithm.


• the joke proper: That is so something I would say. "And now we get to the joke proper," I would say as I polished my monocle.


• aphter: Ah yes. That serial-episode story I wrote. I haven't looked at it for some time. The thing that amazes me about it is that I saw it through to the end (such as it was.) Sixty posts. That's amazing for me. I rarely finish things.


• paper on inanimate objects: Be careful. Paper destroys rock. I'm not sure why, but it does. Rock destroys scissors, scissors cut paper, and paper destroys rock somehow.


• you would never suspect: I know. You wouldn't, right? Nevertheless, those are the rules. Paper destroys rock. Go figure.


• inanimate objects are trying to drive humans crazy: Shhhh! The chair is listening. We cannot let them know we know. (Also this: If you really believe this, I'd say they've succeeded.)


• poem sunny winter day: I don't think I've ever written one. I did have a post recently, but it wasn't a poem. Also it was weird.


• dialogue male female: I have several of these. Enjoy.


• male female acting dialogues: I guess you could use them for that.


• hollow point bullets: You are obviously an angry, frustrated KKK member. I sent your info to the Obama people. They're probably pulling up outside of your trailer right now. And your gun is in the pickup. What are you going to do?


• study madness before going mad: It makes more sense if you wait and study it later.


• caveat: ask for help before frustration sets in…: You're talking to the KKK guy, aren't you. That's the thing with macho, redneck men. They never ask for help until it's too late. They're afraid to show their real feelings. They don't hug enough.


• beck thetan: It's true. He's a Scientologist. Isn't that depressing? I think so.


• hello sweaty how are you today?: Do you mean "sweety"? If so, you're misspelling it and you should probably fix that. If, however, you really are asking a person named "Sweaty" how he/she is doing, then the answer is obvious: They're hot. Hot and sweaty.


• i'm gonna live forever. i'm gonna learn how to fly fame: Go for it! I believe in you, anonymous stranger!


• obla dee obla da: Life goes on. Bra.


• knuj modnar: It's "Random Junk" backwards and I used it already. Sorry.


• some lines of beautiful thoughts: Aw, shucks. Thanks, Google.


• devil talking to me: You shouldn't assume that everyone is about you. Maybe the devil is talking to someone else. Has she called you by name? What is she saying to you? Wait, you're not that KKK dude from above, are you? Seriously, dude, lay off the meth and join a support group.

Hello, friends. How are you today?

Later. Love.

Googly Revisited: Yet Another Response to People Who Found Me Through Search Engines

Again, when all else fails...

---

caveat emptor
That's me.

what does caveat emptor mean
Caveat emptor means, "Buy a dictionary, but be careful doing it."

xoxoxo means ???
It means you put the cart before your three oxen. That's backwards. (It also means "Hugs and Kisses.")

stop thinking about boobs
That's just crazy talk.

lovely scrap
I forgot about that one.

words to lead on oh king eternal
Oh, right. Shari's comment. Kinky turtle. Ha!

caveatemptor
Don't crowd me. Give me my space.

friend caveat
True friends need none (with a few notable exceptions.)

110 fahrenheit
To quote Paris Hilton—like I always do—"That's hot."

jesus poops
That's a faith position. You can't prove it.

male female dialogue
Just be yourself, dude.

a scott white
It sounds indefinite, doesn't it?

blackened whitefish
Oh, right. That was a good one. (I was a decent writer once.)

tongue tied and twisted
Just an earthbound misfit, I.

because a sun it's alright
I don't understand this one at all. It's alright.

reality of monkeys
This one was me, looking for that post.

witness protection program site:aswhite.com
Also me. Narcissistic bastard.

eustin
Don't remind me. I never finished that story. Typical.

tamer instructor foto
You don't want to be a lion tamer, dude. You have too low a pH level. The big cats will eat you alive. (Just look how you spell photo if you don't believe me.)

south texas magic mushroom pics
Were I more hip I might get this reference. Sounds trippy.

dumdum tree
Yes, we do grow on trees.

i thhink that its possible ive fallen for you i see the path your eyes fallow down i want to come to
I'm flattered, but I'm taken.

tongue tied and twisted just an earth bound
...misfit, I.

what year was caveat emptor
I'm so last year.

what does the number eleven mean
Wow. Dude. Heavy.

why is a mouse when it's spinning
Because the more it spins the much. (Duh)

aphter
That was fun, though it's so rough I'm embarrassed by it when I read it. I'm way too busy to write that regularly these days. Maybe some day I'll get back into it.

actual dog years
They're complicated.

mr cogito studies his face in the mirror
It's true. I do.

upyri
It means vampire.

write a sentence with the word caveat emptor
Congratulations! You did it! (They're not one word, though. They're technically two words.)

for what it's worth protest song
It's not really a protest song, but she didn't want to hear about it.

im gonna live forever, im never gonna die
If you're still alive I'm afraid I've got bad news for you.

caveat letter
Caveat Emptor is brought to you today by the letters U and I.

kids in tights torrent
Michael Jackson? Is that you?

gigantic sandwiches
Weird post, that one. It's usually found with the search term "gay sandwich." It's often the number one hit on Google for that term, in fact. <brag>

gay sandwich
See? Told you.

attack of the masturbating zombies
Wow. That hits this site? Really? Let's find out why. [...checking...] Ah. Thanks, Sir.

neverwhere review
I did write one of those, didn't I.

emptor
So you like me without caveat?

send me all you huddled masses
Send me your address and they're yours.

plato quotes two ears one mouth
Dana Plato said some weird things.

caveat emptor and similar phrases
There are lots of similar phrases here. There are many phrases here that are alike.

bright orange golf pants
Dude. Don't.

earthbound on shrooms
Stoned Martian fratboys are invading!

weimaraner sitting in a chair
Sounds like the name of a painting. (A dumb painting.)

---

Hello, friends. What are you searching for? Did you find it here?

Love.

Googly: A Response to People Who Found Me Through a Search Engine

When all else fails:

---

moon shot trajectory
It's complicated. Trust me.

elephant riding an unicycle
Hee hee.  I forgot about that post.

lyrics i "miss the rain down in africa"
"Bless", not "miss". Forgot about that post too.

his huge muscular calves
Yes, I do feed steroids to my baby cows.

a priest and a rabbi walk into a bar
So i've heard.

"what is tasso"
Cajun food.

"sleestak"
Cool. Twice in one day. This gives me hope for society.

muscular man (image search)
I drawed a pitchur of one one time.

steal quarters from a washer machine
This takes away my hope for society.

leaving job without burning bridges
This is always a good idea, unless you're a professional bridge burner, in which case they may not appreciate it.

just and earth bound misfit
"An", not "and". I do that all the time.

zero egde swimming pools
How do you keep the water in?

who sang "bend me, shape me any way you want me"
The American Breed. (Sheesh, just google it next time. Oh. Right.)

moon perigree
It's actually moon "A" perigree. Don't you watch the news?

joe piscopo not funny after bodybuilding
It was part of the deal we worked out. I get to be funny and he gets to be sexy. I regret nothing.

oprah hardships or struggles as\he overcome
There was that movie Beloved. That must have been tough to get past.

take cinco
Spanglish. Clever.

"with my back against" lyric coffee
I got nothing.

caveat emptor humour
You must be English.

porcine aviation
Sorry. I already used it. I wasn't the first either. Clever, though.

shinobi shozoku
I don't think real ninja get their outfits from Google.

allen white drummer
He played for Yes and was a studio drummer for many artists, including John Lennon. He was good. I spell mine "Allan".

toto down in africa meaning
Good luck with that. I'm sure I didn't help much. (I forgot about that one. Tee hee.)

amature peeping tom videos
Sorry, dude. I've only got the pro stuff.

bolo yeung son
Someone mated with him? Wow. Brave.

hackberry finish
There's a hackberry finish? Really? Weird.

stoner sayings layouts
Dude. Whoa. Dude. I'm baked.

sleestak
Coming up on the first page of Google searches for Sleestak is easily my greatest accomplishment in life.

hard guess email address
Do you mean password? Why would you want a hard to guess email address? Here's a tip: Just use someone else's name. No one will ever guess.

itzach perlman
A person of culture, eh? Allow me to apologize for any offense my site caused you.

osmond paraguay
I've been told I look like Donny Osmond, and I've been to Paraguay. Does that mean you've found what you're looking for?

caveat emptor wow
I know, right?

apple orchards around killeen texas
Yes. Killeen is known for its lush apple orchards. Hey, person. Go north. Way north.

cute pig kissing photos
All the ones I have aren't that cute. They're a little disturbing, in fact. Sorry.

petit mal seizures redirecting
Search and seizures. Hee hee.

"big road by myself"
No, wait for mommy.

kurt cobain's rig
Kurt Cobain drove a truck? I did not know that.

"mitch hedberg" you either love me, hate me
Ah yes, Mitch. He's missed.

don't write it down grunt nod
I tried that, but no one left any comments.

cute looking toilet plunger
Get a life.

your huddled masses yearning to be free
It's breathe free, dummy. Get it right or we'll send you back.

a song with a mom dying
Eminem? Is that you? Get over it, dude.

donny osmond, pictures of his children
Seek help, weirdo.

little white bumps under eye pictures
I'm afraid it's herpes. Sorry.

what are hydrashock bullets?
I don't know.

van de graaff generator and hairspray
I know what you're thinking. Don't do it!

dread pirate robert
I am not the Dread Pirate Roberts. My name is Ryan; I inherited the ship from the previous Dread Pirate Roberts, just as you will inherit it from me. The man I inherited it from is not the real Dread Pirate Roberts either. His name was Cummerbund. The real Roberts has been retired 15 years and living like a king in Patagonia.

who was dread pirate robert
See above.

---

Hello, friends. How are you today?

Later. Love.