I actually dialed your number in the car a few minutes ago, without thinking. It was an automatic act but it's the first time I've actually dialed and let it ring a few times before it hit me that you wouldn't answer. It hit me really hard just then, the idea that I could never call you again. It seemed unthinkable. How can there be a world where I cannot call you? For several minutes I couldn't accept it. I'm better now, but still have that lingering hollow feeling. It will be okay, I know. I love you. I miss you.