Jake Bigsy would never have put up with this shit. True, I’ve never actually met Jake Bigsy, but I’ve heard about him plenty. All us kids have. Jake Bigsy is a town legend. Jake Bigsy punched officer Milke in the nose. Jake Bigsy saved Sally Perth from the Perth’s barn fire, just ran into the fire and brought her out, cool as anything. Jake Bigsy shot the corner off the marble courthouse sign. So, even though I never met the guy, I feel certain that this is the type of shit Jake Bigsy would not put up with. If Jake Bigsy was here, he’d know what to do.
I’ve come up with a plan to make a legend out of you in this town. I’ve studied town legends from all over the country and I know exactly how to do it. If you’ve ever done anything interesting, anything at all, let me know, and I’ll scatter that in with all the lies. As for you, you need to become a little aloof, a little standoffish. When people start to ask you if you really did this or that, just smile and wink at them. You can wink, right? If not, we’ll work on that. Do you know how to ride a motorcycle?
Somewhere, in a big city far away, he’s watching baseball, trying to hear the play-by-play over the clicking and the in and out drag of the respirator. His team is down by one point in the bottom of the ninth. Things are looking grim. He keeps blinking away the constant watering of his old eyes, trying to focus on the television. It’s late in the evening and no one is around in the hallways. The nurses will come in once to check on him in the middle of the night, but he’s otherwise alone, as usual. The announcer says something about the pitcher’s hometown, but the damn respirator clicks and he doesn’t quite catch it. It sounded like a familiar town name, somewhere he lived long ago, but he couldn’t be sure. Suddenly, with a man on first and a man on third, there’s an epic crack and the ball sails into the far bleachers. Home run! Three points! Victory! Game over. He smiles broadly as his heart swells with the thrill of such a perfect win. “That’s it,” he thinks to himself. “That’s as good as it’s gonna get.” So, without a second thought or the shadow of a regret, Jake Bigsy strains and reaches over and jerks the respirator plug from the wall, punching the button to silence the alarm. Then he sinks happily into his pillow and, as welcome silence washes over him, he closes his eyes and waits for whatever comes next.
Hello, friends. Let’s be legends, you and me. It’s not that hard if you lie.
Later. Love.
