I'm getting rid of my trained elephant, Stan. I'll send him to some sort of preserve where he can live out his days in peace. I had high hopes for Stan, thinking he could really be something special, but years of training have failed to do the trick. He's mastered juggling the flaming chainsaws and riding the unicycle across the heavy-guage high-wire. He's achieved an FIDE rating of 1950 in chess and can hit the bullseye on an archery range 99.8% of the time. He only came in second at the regional spelling bee, however, forgetting the all-too-obvious second "n" in "brunneous". Also his landing is still very shaky on his triple toe loop. It's hopeless. We've worked and worked and worked on these things, but he's maxed out. If the show can't be perfect, I don't want to put it on. I'm sure Stan feels the same way. I hope he does.
So, now I've got to find something else to fill up the hours of the long day. I want to invent reverse skydiving, where you start on the ground and shoot up and through the open door of a plane flying far overhead. I have no idea how I'm going to do it, but that's never stopped me before. I should probably buy a helmet.
Goodbye, Stan. I'll miss you, old boy. You were always friendly and helpful, and you made the best ham and mushroom omelettes. Find a cow to settle down with and I'll come and visit you guys from time to time. I'll never forget you, and I know you'll never forget me.
Hello, friends. How are you today?