Fixing The World, Part One

I've just concluded a detailed inspection of the world and I'm afraid we have some work to do, people. You wouldn't believe what I found out there. I'm listing some of the top issues that come to mind and I'd like for people to volunteer to handle them. Don't make me start assigning them to people, people. If I don't get any volunteers, I'll do it. Mark my words.

Here's the list.

• Several of the mountains in North America are out of plumb by a degree or two.
• Trees all over the Pacific Northwest are lopsided and depressed.
• The ocean floors need to be swept and mopped.
• The Sahara needs dusting.
• I saw two one-legged birds in the Ireland. Fix them. If you cannot find the legs, perhaps you could just make one normal bird out of them.
• There's mildew building up around the edges of the planet's core. It's starting to smell.
• Kanye West is getting out of hand.
• Antarctica is crooked.
• Several people need to lose weight. I won't name names.
• The swordfish need sharpening.
• Bigfoot is constipated.
• Pirates.
• Many aspiring actors have wide noses.
• There's a toilet in Sydney that's confused about the Coriolis effect.

Let's hop to it, people. The world's not going to fix itself.

Hello, friends. I trust you've made your selection(s).

Later. Love.