Google is becoming more and more powerful. They are getting closer and closer to the ultimate feature, the one for which I have been waiting for years. Very soon now Google will be able to contact me and tell me what I'm looking for. Most days I just sit for hours staring at the empty search box, wondering what it is that I really need to find. Google is working furiously to fulfill this need for me. Anyone can tell me the answer. Google will tell me the question.
I don't know. I keep remembering what Mary Oliver said, "You do not have to be good. You do not have to walk on your knees for a hundred miles through the desert, repenting. You only have to let the soft animal of your body love what it loves." I believe that. I do. And then I think:
In the fading negative image that I see emblazoned on the back of my eyelids when I press my eyes shut and block out the distraction of everything else, I can see the disappearing visual memory of the place I came from, the forgotten place from which I started this journey. I have a suspicion that I have to find that place again, but it's hard to tell from this vanishing silhouette of colors on black where the place might be. I think there is a large tree, and a hill in the distance. Maybe a river bank or the shore of a lake. I can't quite make it out. Maybe I left the directions for this life, if there were any, beneath that tree. If I ever find the place again, I wonder if the instructions will still be there.
And Mary Oliver says: "Whoever you are, no matter how lonely, the world offers itself to your imagination, calls to you like the wild geese, harsh and exciting--over and over announcing your place in the family of things."
Hello, friends. I hope you're well. Are you?
Later. Love.
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