Today, for lack of time, here are some recent Twitter tweets of mine. (Lame. I know. Sorry.)
She thought I was being ineffable, but it was just a misunderstanding.
A perception of unjust lack pushes us to chince so that we prop the scales, lose interest in balance, become selective in our reciprocity.
"Some things you know all your life. They are so simple and true they must be said without elegance..." from The Simple Truth, Philip Levine
We all, separately, achieve our disjoint unity. We are one, each of us.
iPod should totally have a programmable playlist feature called "Fugue".
Just wrote (tried) a Haiku about the limbo of life transitions: thistle down blown loose; alone like never before; fall and change and grow
- I'd like to paint the moon. Do I have to get permission from anyone? Who owns the moon? Does it belong to all of us? None of us?
- If you could paint the moon any color, why would you?
- Spray paint wouldn't really work in outer space, I bet.
Do you know how to use question marks. I don't?
"What's a girl like you doing in a beautiful place like this," I asked, but not really. I just stared at her from afar, wondering.
Broken Narrative: Sometimes you're so overcome with beauty that you have to hit the return key before a sentence is over.
My gun is a little cold today. (In the Beatles sense.)
If you could write the most beautiful Haiku in the world, how many syllables would you use?
I've got that feeling, like I really want to say something but I have no idea what it is. Sometimes this results in poetry. Just warning you
Some part of me totally expects to find out one day that David Bowie is actually god. I won't be at all surprised. He seems like god.
I've always dreaded Easter. I'm not sure why. Maybe it's my Messiah Complex.
I wish there were a religion called J. Just so there would be practitioners called Jists and a theology called Jism.
I'm not going to lie to you, I'm a spy working for the CIA. (Saying you're not going to lie isn't a big deal if you ARE going to lie.)
My company is raising money to help babies again. As someone who hates babies and fights to end the scourge of babies forever, I'm offended.
@Pixelation: Buying the burrito is a shameful waste of money. Eating it after you buy it is just good business sense.
Some writers you like for their words, others for their ideas.
Were I the operators of Facebook, I'd call the "Friend Finder" "Yenta the Friend Finder." TRADITION!
Sometimes I really wish emordnilap were a word.
I'm marketing a new drug for paranoia called "Strychnime." I know that looks a lot like Strychnine, but it's not, I swear. Just take it.
Someone called me "Pastor Scott" from across the coffee shop last night. I winced briefly & then spoke for 5 min w/ someone I don't remember
@snackiepoo: I think all reality shows should be called "The Biggest Loser." But then, I'm an elitist asshole. Hello, by the way.
The fleeting whim & humor of April Fools' Day totally compensates for the dull drudgery of ordinary life. Thank god for it. She is merciful.
Whenever economists on the radio say, "We need to get people borrowing and lending again," I always feel skeptical. Are we sure about that?
Are you old school Internet? How many of you Interneters have ever used a Gopher server, or even heard of one?
I'm considering signing up for the Internet. I hear there's some interesting things on there. I was on a Gopher server once in 1988. Fun.
When Paul McCartney dies (again) he's going to have a hard time convincing everyone.
My father was never a beggar. I never wanted to be like my father. I guess you could say, therefore, that I beg to differ.
- Accidentally vocalizing your joy at the suffering of others: Schadenfreudian Slip.
- Taking joy in the psychoanalysis of another: Freudfreude.
- Is there a German word that means "Taking joy in another's mispronunciation of Schadenfreude"?
- What's Erfolgtraurigkeit? It's how people who revel in Schadenfreude feel when someone else succeeds. Those crazy Germans and their words.
When "people just don't get it" that often says more about "it" than it does about "people."
Much though I'd love to frivol with you all the livelong day, I must away to work, lest in my preoccupation I become post-occupied. HA!
ME: I wish I had your self-esteem. / HER: I'm pretty sure it wouldn't work for you. It would only make you esteem me more. / ME: Impossible.
I am SO long-winded. I often use ALL 140 characters in my tweets. (Not in this one, it's short. In many others I... Oh, wait. This one too.)
Play Along Toys shipped 2000 "Cabbage Patch Kids" without gluing the necks to the shoulders. Heads will roll over this. http://is.gd/pQmc
The Barenaked Ladies should cover REM's "It's the End of the World as We Know It (And I Feel Fine)" (and also their nakedness)
"Do Zen: A 12 Step Program"
"What will waiting patiently get you?" she asked. "I don't know yet," I replied.
Nothing makes me laugh like humor does. Humor is, by far, the funniest thing.
I had a breakthrough in my laboratory this weekend. I've almost isolated the gene sequence that will produce blood turnips.
Forgetting to say "Please" and "Thank you" is not a crime. It's a civil offense.
A tip: There's a service entrance in the Hotel California's kitchen. You can leave through there and no one will notice. You're welcome.
Time to wake up. (I'm talking to myself.) Time to fix me a cup of coffee. (Now I'm talking to you.)
The inventor of music is my hero. I love her. (I assume she was a girl.)
- Music is unhealthy. I wallow in it.
- Heavy metal has tinnitus.
- Blues music has the flu.
- Pop music is dyslexic.
- Grunge music is bipolar.
- Opera has thyroid issues.
- Rock music has lung cancer.
- Country music has diabetes
- Jazz music has ADHD.
I'm not sure if tornado season around here blows or if it sucks.
Listening to The Smiths right now. It makes me feel longy and haunty and empty with potential.
I'm not going to eat all of this English muffin if anyone wants the rest. I didn't bite this part. It's clean. It's good with the marmalade.
- I like something about Peter Gabriel. I think it's his brain.
- I was postulating for a moment that perhaps it is always the brain that we like about someone, but then I remembered about boobs.
- Some of the best people have both, but a lot of great people just have one or the other.
- Brain and boobs. The three Bs.
All my pancakes keep turning into waffles. I'm not sure what I'm doing wrong. I think I'll just switch to lunch. Love and such.
My blog is like poetry (in that no one reads it any more). That's fine. Even I don't. It has one of those rare "write-only" interfaces.
My like for Pink Martini is becoming love. I'm a sucker for what these people are selling.
- I just had a great idea. I'm going to start randomly insulting my Twitter followers with nonsensical insults.
- @Neilochka: You are quite possibly the worst hang-gliding pilot in the history of the sport. #nonsequinsult
- @bhockeyjesus: You call this macramé? My grandpa could knot better than this AND HE ONLY HAD 1 HAND! AND IT WAS HIS OFF HAND! #nonsequinsult
- @peefer: These apple tarts are the worst in the history of food. They are, in fact, the worst food in the history of FECES! #nonsequinsult
- @KHT20: Your doctoral thesis on Theosophy isn't worth the bathroom tissue it's printed on. #nonsequinsult
- @toadmaster: I'd rather be stabbed with harpoons than have my Segway pimped at your "Pimp My Segway" body shop. #nonsequinsult
- @evehorizon: Your Latvian Gambit at the 2008 Master's Chess Tournament was both inappropriate for the board & badly executed. #nonsequinsult
- @christophr: Your pole vaulting performance in the 2004 Olympic Games would have placed last IN THE SPECIAL OLYMPICS. #nonsequinsult
- @kbridge: Your donut shop does to Crullers what Hitler did to Poland. #nonsequinsult
- @TheBloggess: I'm not sure who you blew to get a job at the Renaissance Fair but Stephen Hawking juggles better than you do. #nonsequinsult
- @kerrianne: Your communist manifesto was so non-persuasive that I rolled it up and beat a worker to death with it. #nonsequinsult
- @sheryl_stephen: Having just heard your debut opera performance allow me to recommend you explore the joy of pantomime. #nonsequinsult
- @sheryl_stephen: Actually, I've heard more creative and artistic flatulence from gassy tax accountants. #nonsequinsult
- @Summerfred: I don't know how you became a cab driver but I'd feel safer being dragged to the airport under a bus next time. #nonsequinsult
- @snackiepoo: That you were World Bird Call Champ for 5 years baffles me. I guess where you live finches sounds like swallows. #nonsequinsult
- @sumdeedum: What do you recommend to get the taste of your "World Famous" schnitzel out of my mouth? Gasoline doesn't work. #nonsequinsult
- @Iron_Fist: You know what would go great with your chicken casserole? BULEMIA! #nonsequinsult
- @jwolman: If civilization ever crumbles and your shoe shop has the only shoes left in the world, I'll just cut my feet off. #nonsequinsult
- @akaMonty: You call that a Salchow? I've seen more graceful ice skating in hockey. AIR HOCKEY! #nonsequinsult
- @Kellyology: Wow. I think this Turkey Gumbo recipe you've created is a real breakthrough. IN LAXATIVES! #nonsequinsult
- All of a sudden I feel like Triumph the Insult Comic Dog. It's not a good feeling.
- FOR ME TO POOP ON!
Need to accuse someone of plagiarism? Google some really nasty plagiarism accusations and use them. It's more ironic that way.
- People who hate me seem, universally, to be trying to take me seriously or assuming that I take myself seriously. If I did I'd hate me too.
- Never, ever, ever take me seriously. (Just kidding.)
Hello, friends. How are you today?
Later. Love.
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