Feeling Googly Again

Today I'm analyzing the search terms that landed people here via Google (90.48%), Yahoo! (4.76%), MSN (2.38%) and Windows Live (2.38%). (Yeah! Google FTW!)

First there are the boring ones:

• aswhite
• aswhite caveat emptor

Then there are the high school and college students working on assignments:

• caveat emptor
• emptor
• how to pronounce caveat emptor
• caveat emptor used in a sentence
• caveat emptor use in a sentence
• caveat emptor in a sentence

Then there's one person who didn't hear correctly:

• definition:creative emptor

Good luck with that one. Now we get to the interesting ones:

• freezing of the sabertooth cat: Something tells me you didn't find what you were looking for here. All of my saber-toothed cat references are stupid. I wonder, are you looking for instructions for how to freeze one? Do you have one? Can I ride it like a pony? I think that would make for really interesting pictures to post at Flickr and Facebook.


• dognose: That's not very nice.


• mountain of immortality: You'll never find it. You'll waste your mortal life trying. Just forget about it and find a great lover and enjoy the little time you have.


• on the middle of my chest: You are probably a pervert. You are, aren't you? You want someone to do something inappropriate, don't you? Ick. Email me. I know some people.


• protagonized: Sorry, I thought of it already. Clever, though. Very clever.


• gnikam: It's "making" backwards. I've already used it.


• my interesting wife: I'm afraid I cannot tell you about your interesting wife. I could tell you about mine, but I don't even know you. You might be that icky "middle of my chest" pervert from above. Go away.


• neverwhere review: I did one long ago. I hope you liked it.


• popular male female diagloues: I'm surprised that search term landed here with the word "popular" in it. Must be a glitch in the Google search algorithm.


• the joke proper: That is so something I would say. "And now we get to the joke proper," I would say as I polished my monocle.


• aphter: Ah yes. That serial-episode story I wrote. I haven't looked at it for some time. The thing that amazes me about it is that I saw it through to the end (such as it was.) Sixty posts. That's amazing for me. I rarely finish things.


• paper on inanimate objects: Be careful. Paper destroys rock. I'm not sure why, but it does. Rock destroys scissors, scissors cut paper, and paper destroys rock somehow.


• you would never suspect: I know. You wouldn't, right? Nevertheless, those are the rules. Paper destroys rock. Go figure.


• inanimate objects are trying to drive humans crazy: Shhhh! The chair is listening. We cannot let them know we know. (Also this: If you really believe this, I'd say they've succeeded.)


• poem sunny winter day: I don't think I've ever written one. I did have a post recently, but it wasn't a poem. Also it was weird.


• dialogue male female: I have several of these. Enjoy.


• male female acting dialogues: I guess you could use them for that.


• hollow point bullets: You are obviously an angry, frustrated KKK member. I sent your info to the Obama people. They're probably pulling up outside of your trailer right now. And your gun is in the pickup. What are you going to do?


• study madness before going mad: It makes more sense if you wait and study it later.


• caveat: ask for help before frustration sets in…: You're talking to the KKK guy, aren't you. That's the thing with macho, redneck men. They never ask for help until it's too late. They're afraid to show their real feelings. They don't hug enough.


• beck thetan: It's true. He's a Scientologist. Isn't that depressing? I think so.


• hello sweaty how are you today?: Do you mean "sweety"? If so, you're misspelling it and you should probably fix that. If, however, you really are asking a person named "Sweaty" how he/she is doing, then the answer is obvious: They're hot. Hot and sweaty.


• i'm gonna live forever. i'm gonna learn how to fly fame: Go for it! I believe in you, anonymous stranger!


• obla dee obla da: Life goes on. Bra.


• knuj modnar: It's "Random Junk" backwards and I used it already. Sorry.


• some lines of beautiful thoughts: Aw, shucks. Thanks, Google.


• devil talking to me: You shouldn't assume that everyone is about you. Maybe the devil is talking to someone else. Has she called you by name? What is she saying to you? Wait, you're not that KKK dude from above, are you? Seriously, dude, lay off the meth and join a support group.

Hello, friends. How are you today?

Later. Love.