If You Build It

A couple of years ago I built a massive League of Heroes building out on the outskirts of town on a couple of acres I won in a poker game. It's pretty impressive, with massive stone columns and granite arches and an inspiring array of flags from all the nations of the world. My assumption was that superheroes would see it and start to hang out there, making it their headquarters. I figured it was the least I could do since superheroes keep us all safe and don't ask for anything in return.

So far, however, no superheroes have showed up. I guess they just don't know about the place. I tried advertising in a few newspapers and magazines, but I only heard from people who wanted to make fun of me. Some people just don't appreciate superheroes, I guess. Some people cannot fathom that someone would do something like this for them. I don't know. It seemed like the right thing to do to me.

So, the place is just sitting there, empty. A local dude keeps bugging me to let him hold a Halloween Haunted House of Horrors there. I just don't think that would be right, in spite of the great alliteration. If you dressed it up all creepy it would look like a villain headquarters. Superheroes wouldn't appreciate that, I bet. Another guy wants to have paintball battles in it. I don't know. Maybe I should just let him. The superheroes don't seem to want the place.

Are there laws about giving gifts to superheroes like there are for politicians? Maybe that's the problem. They can't accept the gift. I don't know. My friend Eddy says there aren't any superheroes. I just can't accept that. The city has never been poisoned with colorful knockout gas. Giant robots have never attacked us. Zombies have never roamed the streets. How do you explain that if there are no superheroes? It's the only answer that makes sense.

If you know a superhero looking for a headquarters, give her or him my email address. I realized a long time ago that I'll never be able to save the world. Still, I'd like to be involved at some level.

Hello, friends. Are you a homeless superhero? Do you know one?

Later. Love.