I'm crazy busy, so here's a rerun from October of 2005. It's called Rumble:
Tonight's the big rumble against the Dangerous Water Animals, our rival gang, and I'm SO not ready. We're going to surprise them over by the rec center where they typically hang out on Friday night. We've got no choice, really, they put one of our guys, Diet Dr. Pepper, in the hospital. He's a good kid, and we're plenty mad about it. I'm plenty mad too, believe me, but I wish it was next weekend so I could practice some more.
Don't get me wrong, now, I'm not afraid. The day a member of the Ferocious Predatory Cats, our gang of young toughs, is afraid of the Dangerous Water Animals is a day that's never going to actually happen in this path along the time-space continuum, if you know what I mean when I say that. It's not fear of them, it's performance anxiety. I always get it before a big rumble if I feel I'm not prepared. I'm just not sure of my moves. I wish we had a chance to do one more walk-through. I DO NOT want to be the guy who messes up the whole rumble.
The plan is that we'll come in from the right, walking slowly toward the cluster of Dangerous Water Animals on the left. They'll be standing on the sidewalk or sitting either on the curb or on the stoops. I'm sure their arrangement will be well-composed. They're pretty good about that (Leather Motorcycle Gloves, our handsome gang leader, would be furious if he heard me say that.) They'll notice us and slowly stand and group up behind Smoldering Eyes, their leader. When they're all in place, Leather Motorcycle Gloves will start the snap count, and we're joining in with snaps on beats 2 and 4. He's going to snap beats 1 and 3 alone. It's a pretty cool effect. Then we switch from our normal walk to the step/slide strut. I'm good with that part. We do that for four measures and then FLARE, BACK, BACK, KICK, SLIDE SIDE (2,3,4), SLIDE FRONT (2,3,4), FLARE, BACK, BACK, KICK, FLARE, FRONT, FRONT, KICK, SLIDE BACK (2,3,4), SLIDE FRONT (2,3,4). These are our signature opening moves. I know them like I know my own tap shoes. Then, of course, we just snap for sixteen measures while they do their opening moves.
This is where I lose it. I'm just a total blank. I think Wild Cherry Cough Drop does his swirling, kicking thing at this point, but I'm not really sure. WHY DOES THIS HAVE TO BE TONIGHT?
I'm going to text Hot Pockets and see if he can meet me for lunch. We can grab a salad or something and then go over our moves in the park. I'll offer to buy, that'll get him there. I really don't want to call in sick for this one. Leather Motorcycle Gloves is already a little depressed about attendance. He's so hard on himself. He's a good leader, he really is. I mean, he's no Smooth Cruiser, it's true, but who is? There'll never be another Smooth Cruiser. Nevertheless, Leather Motorcycle Gloves inspires the guys and his choreography is really creative. I really don't want to let him down.
Practice, practice, practice. Come on Hot Pockets, text me back.
Hello, friends. How are you today?
Love.
