I've finally finished the Answer-O-Rama, my patented advice and answers machine. It works pretty well, though I cannot tell you about its top-secret, patented inner workings. I can give you a few hints however: It's made mostly out of ideas I got while reading and thinking about things like science and technology and philosophy and grammar. I put it together with screws and wood and wires. Okay, that's enough. I don't want everyone to build their own because then no one will buy one of mine.
Does it work? Is that what you want to know? Does it work? Well, you tell me. Here, I'll try it out as a demonstration of sorts. First, I ask a question into the microphone while holding down the "Question Button." (It's the one with the big "Q" on it.)
QUESTION: What is the source of this howling pang of longing in the soul of humanity?
Now I release the "Question Button" and push the "Answer Button." (The one with the "A".) Now I wait and listen to the clackety racket of the electric typewriter deep in the bowels of the device. (NOTE: Please do not read too much into the preceding description of the inner workings of the device. It may or may not be an electric typewriter that makes that noise and the device doesn't actually have working bowels. I used the word "bowels" metaphorically.) Now the answer comes chugging out on letter-sized paper.
ANSWER:Early human lived [PREPOSITION] caves
And huddles close foR making warm
Before fire [VERB, INTRANSITIVE]
Pack smells and sounds in [ARTICLE] dark
And community to fight the fear [PREPOSITION] a unknown
I'm still working out a few kinks. Let's try an easier question. [sound of "Q" button being pushed]
QUESTION: What is two multiplied by three?
Okay. Now, let's see. [sound of "A" button being pushed, followed by what may or may not be an electric typewriter]
ANSWER:Modern life, new math
A lie? Where now the hot breath
Of some [ADJECTIVE], primal mate on your neck
As you huddle [PREPOSITION] sleep
It's getting closer every time. I'm pretty encouraged. I'm accepting pre-orders.
Hello, friends. How are you today?