Bad news, everyone: We've decided to cancel the White Family Christmas Hoedown and Jamboree this year. There just isn't enough money to put it on. Here's the even worse news: We can't refund your money if you bought tickets. The money is all gone. Uncle Billy blew it all on scratch-off tickets and egg nog. He can't help it. Egg nog is his favorite nog. He has a problem. Instead of refunds, therefore, we're sending all ticket-holders autographed photos of the White Family posing with a guy dressed like Elvis in front of the "The King House," a local Graceland tribute house. It looks a lot like Graceland. It's smaller, but it's very similar. The Hoedown and Jamboree, however, is definitely canceled. There will be no lights and no dancing. There will be no singing or joke-telling contest. There will be no petting zoo. There will be no pie-eating competition and no Late Night Clog Off. We've canceled the NogFest and the "Who's That Up on the Roof?" archery contest. We'll not be having the Honolulu Holiday Luau or the grass skirt races. We've even called off the "Mangerbread" edible gingerbread Nativity scene competition. Sorry for the inconvenience and disappointment for the hundreds of you who have already made non-refundable travel arrangements. I can understand that you might be angry about this, but just remember this: Whenever you sue a family of entertainers you make the baby Jesus cry. You don't want to make the baby Jesus cry, do you? I didn't think so.
Hello, friends. Happy happy joy joy. How are you?
Love.
