I've decided to withdraw from the race for President of the United States of America. I should never have considered running with such a checkered past as mine. The press has already uncovered my Witness Protection Program status and the whole monkey ordeal. They're calling it Monkey Gate. I'd still gladly be Vice President of the United States of America, but only for Obama. He'll never pick me, though. The monkey lobby would make his life hell if he did. You cannot underestimate the power of the monkey lobby.
I always feel like such an arrogant, narcissistic ass when I link to myself. That reminds me of a song. Isn't there a song that says, "When I think about you I link myself?" I seem to remember it. No? Oh, okay.
Man, it's really foggy here this morning. That's cool, except the defroster in my car isn't working. The fog comes into my car and collects on the windows through which I am supposed to be able to see the other giant hunks of metal zooming all around me trying to kill me. It's like a bad Stephen King novel except it's not set in New England. It's in Texas. If Stephen King wrote a novel set in Texas I bet it would be really insulting. Every character would be a redneck idiot. (At this point Stephen King fans will inform me that Stephen King has, in fact, written 47 novels set in Texas and only 21 of them are insulting.) That guy has a problem (Stephen King I mean.) He just can't stop writing novels. If he tries to make a tuna sandwich, he writes a novel. If he tries to make love to a woman, novel. I'm exactly the same way, but just the opposite. I try to write a novel and end up making a tuna sandwich or making sweet, sweet love to my woman. (Did that creep you out like it did me? I think it was the proximity of the tuna sandwich reference to the sex reference, or possibly just the sex reference all by itself.)
I keep hoping this post will develop a controlling theme. I keep hoping that it will all wrap up nicely and that the end can relate to the beginning somehow. I'm rambling and rambling, hoping it will happen. Now, however, I'm just going to give up and quit.
Just like I quit the campaign trail. BOOYEAH!
Hello, friends. Please respond as you feel appropriate. I recommend total silence, though I welcome comment.
Love.
