The Birkenstock corporation announced yesterday that it had completed negotiations on a deal to make Birkenstocks the official sandals of the Second Coming of Jesus. Some see this as a real shift for Birkenstock away from their more typical, left-leaning client base. "It's just a gimmick advertising campaign to promote our new Eternal Sole," said a Birkenstock spokesperson. "If the Second Coming of Jesus ever actually happens, well, that will just be upside."
Jesus could not be reached for comment.
(The Caveat Emptor legal team requires that I tell you that everything preceding this sentence, and some of this sentence as well, is fictional and fanciful. There is no truth in it.)
In other news, I'm still working on my Oscars recap post. I fell asleep before any of the interesting awards were handed out, so I have to research and find out who won. I'm not really interested in the Oscars that much, so I've been procrastinating. Sorry about that. Once I've gotten around to doing the research and writing and posting the Oscars recap, I'll begin work on my Red Carpet Fashion Report. I have to be honest, I'm really not looking forward to writing that one. 
Firstly, I don't give a damn what anyone in the world wears EVER, not even me. (I am occasionally interested in certain clothing my wife wears, actually.) Secondlish, who cares what I think about fashion anyway? Not me, that's for sure. These are the burdens I bear, however, to keep you people entertained and informed. You're welcome.
That's all I have for this post. I was going to reveal the seventeen and a half keys to enlightenment and transcendence, but I feel like this is getting a little too long.
Hello, friends. How are you today?
Later. Love.
P. S. - I think that might be a UFO outside the window over my right shoulder in this picture I snapped last night. What do you think? Thanks for stopping by.
P. P. S. - Aphter: 40. Thanks again.
