First of all, thanks to everyone for the birthday wishes. I had a great birthday and I am enjoying being an old person so far. I enjoyed all the attention last Friday so much, in fact, that I would probably lie and tell all of you that today is my birthday if I wasn't so sure that all of you are too smart to fall for it. I'll probably wait at least a week or two before I try to play the birthday card again. (Birthday card. Hee hee.)
But, enough with pleasantries and platitudes. Those of you who are rabid Caveat Emptor fans (or "Emptor Heads", as you're often called) (and no, not "Empty Heads" as our opponents and critics often call you) know how the game goes around here. Here at Caveat Emptor we stick to hot topics pulled straight from today's headlines. We tell it like it is, the straight dope, and we pull no punches. Occasionally, when we really have to challenge established attitudes and make a radical statement, we step into the "TRUTH SPOT." (For those of you who haven't been here for a while, the "True Dat Zone!" is now called the "TRUTH SPOT" with all caps and no exclamation point.)
But, Emptor Heads, this is Monday morning and, as you all know, Monday morning means one thing around here. That's right, it's time for RAPID FIRE! Buckle in! Here we go!
- IRAQ - What the Hell, people? Am I right? What that HELL? Come on, Executive Branch! I mean, seriously, COME ON!
- IRAN - Don't even bring that trash in here! Tell me we ain't talkin' 'bout this! NO THEY DIDN'T! Where my peeps?
- GLOBAL WARMING - Let's cool it, industry! You know I'm right! Just chill!
- POTHOLES ON 4TH STREET - Maybe if you stopped spending my taxes on Imperialism we could smooth these things out.
- SALEM WITCH TRIALS - Don't be hatin'!
- SPANISH INQUISITION - Ever heard of Freedom of Religion, people? Ever heard of a little thing called THE CONSTITUTION? As we say around here, SMART UP! SMART UP!
- HERPES - Don't get me started. You know who you are. Aw yeee-ah!
- FREIBISH PLUBACITY - DON'T EVEN GO THERE!
Well, that's all we have time for today. Join us tomorrow for "Sectarian Violence: Fact or Faction?" in the Tuesday edition of "GET YOUR CORRECT ON!"
Hello, friends. How are you today?
Later. Love.
P. S. - Aphter: 28. Thanks for stopping by.
