I'm not going to lie to you, none of this is true. Nevertheless, have you heard about this new law they're trying to pass that says everyone has to poke themselves in the eye three times a day with a pencil? This lame duck Republican congress is just trying to make everyone miserable before they leave office. Well, guess what? I'M NOT GOING TO POKE MYSELF IN THE EYE! It's an unjust law and I'm standing up for sanity. Go ahead and arrest me! The Democrats will just let me out when they take office.
See, I started out all serious this morning, but I just couldn't maintain it. I was writing this beautiful sad poem with imagery and metaphor and foreshadowing and spelling and alliteration and onomatopoeia, but then, just as I was getting to the punch line, I was overcome with this notion of posting a silly post full of lies. So I cast down and broke the stone tablets into which I was chiseling the poem and typed this instead. I would tell you how it sounded when the tablets shattered, but I'm only allowed to use onomatopoeia once each day.
Seriously, though. Do you know what's sad? The unemployment rate for children around the world has reached an all-time high. Kids are being put out of work by this group called Amnesty International at an alarming rate. Someone should stop them because... Hold on... What? Really? Seriously? Are you sure? Oh. Okay.
Never mind. Apparently that's a happy thing, not a sad thing. So, you know, that's good. Way to go, Amnesty International. Sorry about spray painting "DICKHEADS" on your van.
I'm just going to stop. This is getting too long. I'm slamming on the brakes and coming to a screeching halt. EEEEERRRRRRRRRTTTTTTT!
Oops.
Hello, friends. How would you spell the sound of screeching brakes?
Later. Love.
P. S. - Doesn't my son look like my dad? That hotness must lie dormant in my genes. Thanks for stopping by.
