Some people are so good at self-deprecation, but I'm not. I'm just too dense to get the hang of it. I've tried, but I'm not up to the task. That's cool, though. I'm happy with me, even if I'm a schlupp. (Schlupp may or may not be a Yiddish word that I heard somewhere. I'm not sure what, if anything, it means, but I'm fairly certain that it is, like all Yiddish words, an insult.)
In my attempt to change my diet and improve my body image, I have been struggling for good sources of information. People on the Internet love to discuss philosophy and history and literature, but I can't find a single website about dieting. It seems to be a topic the Internet simply does not address. There are no dieting websites and, for the life of me, I can't imagine why no one has thought of using the Internet for porn.
In all seriousness (if that's a word), I'm looking for a specific type of diet info. I'm trying, you see, not only to get thinner but to improve my aerodynamics. Specifically, I'm looking for foods and exercises that will make me pointier and more swept back. Why? Because, I want to show off my new, sleek body in the best possible way: I want to be a hood ornament. I'm going to have to get much smaller and pointier first, however, or the wind might chafe me and I might obscure the view of the driver.
This entire post was silly. Silly and frivolous. The Yiddish are right about me. I'm both a schlupp and a petsch.
Sholem-aleyhkem. Vos machtsu?
Shpeter. Libshaft.
