I only have, like, four ideas. I've written about all of them several times over. I've rearranged them, reversed them, examined them, reexamined them, recanted and reclaimed them. I've posted a total of 561 posts (not including this one) about these four ideas. I don't think there's anything else I can possibly say, and I'm sure as hell not going to come up with new ideas just for YOUR entertainment.
What's my point? Well, I'm afraid I have bad news. This is difficult for me, but here goes:
I'm not quitting. I'm going to keep on rehashing the same four ideas. Sorry.
Now that we've cleared that up, we can proceed to post 562 proper. (See below.)
As the temperature gets cooler and the plants start their painful but beautiful rotting decay that we call Autumn, my mind turns automatically to the holidays. I'm a sucker for them. The older I get, the more I enjoy Halloween. (Probably because, you know, I'll actually be a ghost pretty soon now.) Thanksgiving is always great because, you know, food. Plus there's great food. And don't forget dessert. Gratitude is good too, but mostly I like the food. Then, of course, there's [Insert the 500-pound-gorilla Decemberish religious and/or nonreligious holiday of your choice here]. Everyone loves that.
It's easy, as we celebrate these awesome holidays at this wonderful time of year, to become self-absorbed. This holiday season, therefore, I'd like to invite you to be kind and remember those less fortunate than you. Smile at them as you rush by quickly, so as not to smell them. Drop a dime or nickel in their tin cup. Or a penny. Or half a penny. Or a washer. Or pocket lint. Just, you know, don't let them touch you.
Everyone always remembers the less fortunate, however. What I'd really like to ask is that you remember those more fortunate than you this holiday season. Assholes. They think they're so great with their solid-gold food and their diamond water. They fly around in their helicopters sipping liquid platinum from angel-bone teacups. Man, I hate them. I hate them SO bad. I hope their helicopters all crash and burn. Then I hope they all go to hell.
Enjoy the season, people. I wish the best for all of you.
Hello, friends. How are you today?
Later. Love.
