Cries for help. I get them by the truckload. Ever since I started this blog, people have felt compelled to seek direction from me for all the important decisions of their life. Why? I don't know. Maybe I just have an honest face or something. I try to tell people that that isn't my face. It's a statue. Still, the letters pour in. And, of course, I have to respond to each one personally. I owe it to humanity.
Dear Scott,
I think my husband is cheating on me, and I don't know what to do. I really love him, but, if it's really true, I don't think I could get over the pain and betrayal. Should I confront him? I have no proof, but I'm pretty sure. Will he forgive me if I'm wrong? I'm at the end of my rope. Please help.
Thanks,
Worried Wife
Norway
Dear Worried Wife
Wow, that sucks. I have no idea. Guess what, though? I have this Gnome friend who lives in my backyard behind my shed. I like him, though some of my readers find him creepy. His name is Chuck. I write about him sometimes, but not too often, because I don't want to be the "creepy Gnome blog", you know? Well, anyway, good luck with your husband. Norway, eh? I bet that's cool. (Get it? Cool? I'm constantly joking around like that.)
Later. Love. (That's like a trademark of mine. I say it all the time. Isn't that quirky and cool?)
A. Scott White
http://www.aswhite.com
Dearest Caveat Emptor:
How you haunt my dreams. When I read your words, those masterful words, I can taste your soul. I want to run my fingers through your hair. I want you to whisper your wisdom into my ear. I want us to lie together and laugh and love. You complete me.
Yours Completely,
John
Philadelphia, PA
Dear John:
Wow, I'm flattered. John is a funny name for a woman. It's unique and quirky, like me and my cool writing style. Sorry though, sweetie, I'm already married. Good luck, though. A nice girl like you, with such good taste, discernment and spelling, should have no trouble finding the right man. Hang in there. Like I always say, "You go, girl!"
Later. Love.
A. Scott White
http://www.aswhite.com
It never stops, and I don't mind. I love to give back to you people, I really do. I am like fine wine poured out, a libation for you on the altar of the Internet.
You're welcome.
Hello, friends. How are you today?
Later. Love. (That's like a trademark of mine. I say it all the time. Isn't that quirky and cool?)
P.S.: I'm also famous for saying "Hello" in my comments. What a character I am!
