Sometimes we need our inner gritty man to slap some sense into us. My inner gritty man changes. Today he is a Chicago detective, reminiscent of Garrison Keillor's Guy Noir character. I sit and type, "Today the simple familiarity of the coffee and the table and the music and this place makes me feel safe. I cannot explain the tears that pool in the corners of my eyes. Am I so fragile after all?"
"For Christ's sake, man," gritty man says, "get ahold of yourself! You're a damned mess! Look at you!"
He's right, of course. It's no good to let myself go that way. It's not that it's wrong to linger in the softer emotions sometimes, it's just that it doesn't work for me. I don't work that way.
Yesterday was Father's Day. I'm a difficult guy to buy gifts for. I know this. These days, with my new fanaticism for eating only fish, chicken, fruit and raw vegetables, it's even harder. In the past a trip to a good steak house was a sure bet. (I've lost 45 pounds in the last two months or so, though, so I'm firm in my resolve.) They took me to a deli, where I ate a grilled chicken Ceaser salad. Then we went to buy me some new sneakers (for my new casual job environment) and a couple of new belts (my old ones are on the tightest notch). Late in the afternoon we went to see Nacho Libre. I really liked Napolean Dynamite and I typically enjoy Jack Black, so it was a sure bet. I enjoyed the film, but I know that some people wouldn't like it. The humor is either very dry or very slapstick, with little in the middle. The gag is often (like in Napolean Dynamite) too cruel to its own characters. Nevertheless, it made me laugh out loud a few times and (again, like Napolean Dynamite) it subtly embraces the characters in the end, making them more human.
Later in the day we went to my mother's house because my sister's family was there visiting. We stayed for an hour or two and had a good visit. While driving home I called my father on my cell phone. It was almost 9:00 PM, and I felt a little bad for waiting so long. I'm not yet accustomed to having a father with whom communication is possible. We had a brief but pleasant chat. I have no ill feelings for my father, but I felt a little funny saying, "Well, I love you. We'll see you sometime soon."
"If you're going to ovulate I'm leaving," gritty man says. "I mean it."
(sigh). Okay. Okay. Enough of that.
I'm ready for some challenge at my new job. The boredom of having no assignments is getting to me. I need responsibility in order to operate on all pistons. I find a long-term plan, too much work and an aggresive deadline comforting.
"Comforting? Comforting? Do me a favor, okay? EAT A STEAK! A big one! A big, fat, greasy one! Your testicles need more protein!" Gritty man blows cigar smoke in my face.
"I love you, gritty man," I say. He hates it when I say that. That's why I do it.
Hello, friends. How are you today?
Later. Love.
