I know many of you come here because you want to laugh, or because you need direction for your lost and meandering lives. I know this, and the weight of the responsibility of it is with me constantly, like an annoying kid on my shoulders in the swimming pool. I still remember when my uncle turned to me as he lay dying on the sidewalk and gasped, "Remember, Scott, with great blogging comes great responsibility." Or something like that.
As aware as I am of the burdensome responsibility I bear for the individual happiness and fulfillment of each of you, I wanted to take today to address a topic that's often ignored by our society today. Please bear with me, and tomorrow I'll return to selflessly indulging your incessant neediness.
I don't like to talk about it, but I have a rare disease. I'm hypolucicafic. I cannot enjoy coffee at a coffee shop if sunlight is shining directly into my eyes. I become squinty and my eyesight is impaired. I cannot see my laptop screen, which prevents me from working. I know this condition is not common, most people haven't even heard of it. My hypolucicaficist, however, tells me that many people walk around undiagnosed, never seeking treatment. Alas, there's little that can be done. Hypolucicaficists have been working with the Ray-Ban corporation to develop protective eye coverings which you actually place onto your head and support with your ears. These provide limited assistance, but the condition is, in truth, uncurable.
And this brings me to my point: I'm introducing a bill to my congressman proposing that coffee shop tables away from direct sunlight be reserved for hypolucicafics. If he won't respond, I'm going to circulate a petition. Please help. Diagnosed hypolucicafics are the most ignored segment of society. We have needs. We have feelings. We just want to be empowered to work in society like everyone else. I don't think that's too much to ask. I think we deserve it. We thank you for your support, both of us.
'Sup, my peeps?
Later. Love.
