Good morning, everyone. I hope the weekend was kind to you, and vice versa.
Saturday night we had a sort of impromptu Halloween party at a neighbor's house. The weather was lovely, so we set up in their garage with plenty of food and plenty of drink. Susan and three of the men at the party started a poker game (high-stakes, five dollar buy in) that lasted until after one o'clock in the morning. She ended up in second place, which means she lost five dollars.
In addition to the typical beer, whisky and wine, a neighbor made 125 jello shots. We were a small group of people (about seventeen) but the 125 jello shots were all consumed. I consumed none of them. Jello shots are just one of those things that I don't relate to. Each time one was offered to me, I kept picturing MTV Spring Break. Then I would picture myself at MTV Spring Break. Then I would say, "No thank you."
So, how did I spend my time? Well, I didn't drink, so I really have no excuse for embarrassing myself. Another neighbor brought this... uh... device that plays... uh... and you can... uh...
It was a karaoke machine, okay? At first I noticed it from across the garage. The microphone called to me (which is exactly the opposite of what a mic should do. A speaker should call, not a mic, but it was the mic calling me, believe me). I sat - cool and aloof - across the garage, choosing to maintain my dignity. I'm somewhat known in the neighborhood, however, for being a pretty good singer. People, including my lovely wife, kept encouraging me to sing, not realizing what they would unleash on the world, the horrible beast within. Eventually, when CCR's Proud Mary came on, a microphone was actually placed into my hand where I sat across the garage.
It stayed in my hand for four hours.
The selection was limited, and betrayed the age of the mid-forties (at least) guy that brought it. I don't remember everything I sang, but the list included the following songs:
- Proud Mary (CCR)
- My Girl (Temptations)
- Love Shack (B-52s)
- My Way (Sinatra)
- New York, New York (Sinatra)
- The Banana Boat Song (Belafonte)
- Footloose (Kenny Loggins)
- King of the Road (Roger Miller, although I sang the Proclaimers version with a Scottish accent)
- What a Wonderful World (Louie Armstrong, although I alternated between a pretty good impression of him and a pretty good impression of Tiny Tim)
- Unchained Melody (Righteous Brothers, I nailed this one)
- Sittin' on the Dock of the Bay (Otis Redding)
- Lean on Me (Bill Withers)
- Heartbreak Hotel (Elvis)
- Blue Bayou (Roy Orbison)
- Imagine (John Lennon)
- Old Time Rock and Roll (Bob Seger)
- Cat's in the Cradle (Harry Chapin, though I HATE this song so I did it in a mocking folk vibrato)
Lest you get the wrong picture, I was not acting, impersonating or dancing during any of this. I was sitting calmly in my chair trying to hide any trace of enjoying this activity that was so clearly beneath a towering intellect like mine. The truth, however, is that it was really fun. I love to sing.
I will try to regain your respect. Just let me know what I need to do. I'll do anything.
Except sing country music.
Later. Love.
